Monday, March 21, 2011

The Situation

Okay, I love my apartment. It feels like home. I have two walk in closets, over 970 sq ft. to ourselves, open floor plan, W/D hook ups, pretty good neighborhood, lots of trees to love and hug, and cheap rent less than 800 a month. In the year since I moved in here, I have not been pleasured with the choice of people that the apartment is letting in. It is no surprise that lately, I have gotten wind of several break ins, and sometime late last year we got ourselves a new neighbor, who shady at best. It has gotten to the point that I hate leaving my house unattended. When I do coming home, I hold my breath, my eyes scanning my apartment to see any signs of a break in. I hate coming home. And instead of having my usual feeling of "Home sweet home" I have been greeted by holding my breath, thinking maybe some thief has made off with my hard earned stuff. Plus the management has started to turn into class A B!t^#es. Doing sudden inspections when I have not realized any notice, then when I complain they act like they did put a notice up. Ummm, yeah, right. That is a total invasion of my privacy, and annoying. Thus it has been in my heart to move for a very long time, it's just hard to say I'm gone when I have a toddler to think about.
But with my family deciding to leave to Los Angeles, Ca from Fresno, I have been invited. I don't know if I want to go, okay, yeah I want to be near my family. It has been only a few days and I'm going crazy. Them moving has put many things into perspective such as why stay in a place making you miserable, slowly bringing you down? We could go to L.A, literally starting over, which is not bad considering. Who wouldn't want to start all over? Fresh. New. But with "fresh" and "new" comes uncertainty and leaps of faith mixed like untested fresh paint that you could hate.
Then there is the option of staying in Fresno. My best friend has offered for us to come live with her, which usually isn't a great option because we would be room mating, not that I'm against it, it's just that Hayden would lose his room.
I know we could simply move into another apartment, which I really don't want, I am hoping for a condo or townhouse, while praying for a house next.
But moving down south isn't all bad, nor is moving in with my friend because David has the option of finding a new job, great in my book. The job he has pays the bills and he makes a pretty good amount but the hours and people he has to deal with on a regular basis is killing him. He really wants CHP but since Cally is broke, they are not hiring (California's budget crisis is HORRIBLE for those of you who don't already know). After talking to them they are hoping that by the Summer of this year but it could be all the way next year. In the meantime, he does have other jobs options. The catch 22 of his current job is he can't look for work when his hours are so bad. When would he have time for a job interview?
It's all a headache and lots to time about in such little time. Still, I trust deeply in God's path and believe this is something bigger than me. I just have one of those feeling that I sometimes get, never follows and it turns out to be right. Well, this time I have learned my lesson. I know I need to move, it's just hard to close my eyes and free fall. I am a planner, who worries and wants all the details after all.

No comments: