Friday, October 15, 2010

Oct. 15th

Today is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness day and I can't help but think back to my best friend's first pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage, it was the first time I had been smacked with the fact that pregnancy is such a fragile thing. Then on the hills on my bf losing her pregnancy, my sister became pregnant and she too lost her child. I am not the mother of those babies, but I know I think of them all the time, I remember them as if they were here, so I can only imagine what the parents must feel.
But it also makes me realize how blessed I am to have a little guy to wake up to, to kiss, snuggle and hug. Even when he is being a brat, he just smiles his little smile - "The David smirk" - and I am all jelly.
I know I spoil Hayden and that I can be a major pushover - And I get major flack for it too - but I am all too well aware that Hayden will most likely be my only child. At 23 I already have fibroid, which is why it took FOREVER to conceive Hayden, so the idea of my fertility being off at such a young age the idea that I will even have any fertility later is small. Everyday I see him growing and growing doing something new or something different, it's becoming so rapid I just want to pause time, find a way to take it all in and still enjoy this part and that part.
Even so, I see my blessing. Today I will light a candle for all of those who have loved and loss, today is your day.

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