Confessions

I took this nifty idea from Jess at Notes of Life & Love These are just confessions to cleanse the body, mind, and soul Truth time.

*I clean my room once every two weeks if I'm lucky. No, it never stays clean but if there is something that is getting left untidy it's the bedroom that no one sees but David, Hayden and I.

*I am paranoid. I hear bumps in the night "David, wake up, you hear that? No! Don't go back to sleep, wake up, go check it out." or "I heard something, go check on Hayden." If someone is not breaking in then someone is trying to steal my precious son.

*I totally want a 2ND in another year, but my husband won't give really he just doesn't want one, but will if I do. NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I don't want to have a baby when he doesn't and just is doing it for me, where is the love and joy in that. I feel like I'm the wife asking him to go see a chick flick and to call all his buddies to go out with us too to see it, and he doesn't want to but does it for me. Heartache coming my way.

* I somethings feel like my Mom is raising my son. He is over almost from sunrise to sunset on some days and I just feel like I'm letting him get over too much. I love their relationship,its amazing to see him have fun over there, and she teaches him so much, and the love he has for her. He really, really loves her. He loves telling me bye bye, Mia, as he straps on his backpack to leave for Grandma's house. He loves it so much, and I get much needed alone time, I can't say no.

*Even though David works, I somethings feel as if I do more stuff. I take care of fiances, balance the checkbook, cook everything expect for meat, David always handles any meat that is for Dinner. I will do sandwiches but no chicken, beef, etc, nope, care for Hayden, clean, run errands, shop. The list goes on and on and he works for 8 sometimes 12 hours and comes home to sitting the rest of the day doing pleasure stuff. NOT ON MY WATCH. I am going 16 hours and over caring for house, Hayden, and working. WHERE IS MY BREAK? See my frustration so I am totally going to make him take out the trash, bust some suds doing dishes and make him take me to the library when I am too sleepy too drive. I know he works hard for the money but if I went out and started working outside the home, I still would have the same responsibilities plus work.

*I wish I had Hayden older, like at the age I am now. But really, I never would have waited, it's great! And the longer I wait the more chances of me never having children are :(

*I sometimes am on the computer longer than I want/should be

*I make David put Hayden to bed now (Hayden cooperates better with him and Dave is way better at telling him it's bedtime, go to sleep) and even gets up through the night with him. But guess what? SHHHH , don't tell anyone Hayden has been sleeping through the night and in the mornings I can sleep as long as I want to while he plays in his crib until I wake up. Yup He doesn't leave his crib anymore, yes! All because David is super Daddy, I would have never been able to accomplish this

*I think women more changes/sacrifices when it comes to having children. It took months after Hayden was born to back the time to read, but for David even after Hayden's birth he had time to play video games.

*I am a hoarder. There its out. I keep stuff, and more stuff, and then some. I have thrown away twice between pregnancy and now but I just keep things, I have so many of my apartment closets filled with bends filled mostly with books and paper, some hand me down items, and I can't toss I just think I could need/use this one day

*Which brings me to the apartment, we need a house. Yeah, but not really, okay our closet space is horrible because we have so much stuff (thanks to me) but everything else is great. Sadly right now renting a house is not even in the budget, not without giving up saving a little every month.

*I eat out way too much. SO much the other day we passed mickey Ds and Hayden saw the golden arches and started screaming "MA, MA!" pointing at it. I could have hung my head in shame.

*I have lost all of my baby weight. YAY!!! And then some, and the funny thing is I lost most of it doing nothing I had 5 or 10lbs left to lose. I started weight watchers just to cheat almost everyday, I never really was good at counting calories or in their case points. So I told myself since I had no problem fixing Hayden healthy meals eat what he's eating. I lost all the weight and more in a week.

*I need to stop spoiling Hayden, it's not that bad but to me I'm bad. I don't always give in but I am a huge softie that I never thought I'd be. I don't do tantrums but all he has to do is smile and/or hug me and I'm butter. AH look at that smile. Here you go.

* I am going to do more crafts with Hayden. It's just hard to find the time

*lately I have been in a fog, I didn't want to do nothing. I felt bad, I think I was depressed, over what? I have no idea, but I could barely get up in the morning when Hayden woke up at that time. I slept into sad hours getting up at 10 at the earliest and 2 the latest and was still tired. I awake yesterday like nothing. I had the best damn day with Hayden in months. We played, we tickled each other, danced, sang, played outside, went for a walk, IT WAS SO NICE. Today has been the same. I don't know what it was but I see a difference now.

*I overwhelm myself. With things to do, to accomplish, to achieve. I do too many things, I aim high, sometimes too high, I need to just chill and relax sometimes

*I need to buy myself more stuff. I know, materialistic, nooo not me. Its just that I am getting into photography alot and clothes, I should buy myself something a least every other month if not every month. Hard to do when I just think of spoiling Hayden.